Love and Marriage...

...go together like horse and carriage. This, I tell you brother, you can't find one without the other. Thus goes the title song of the sitcom "Married with children."

Although the show portrays an almost dysfunctional family with a mutually disgruntled couple and rebellious teenage children, the underlying bonds and family unity does rise above the surface. Its almost like the message is that even if your family experiences serious differences, stick it out and love will survive.

Now, thats a sitcom. And then there's real life. Such families, happy, or attempting happiness, do still exist, but I fear they are a disappearing species. I am not making a statistical claim here, even though if I did that, it would probably be true. Purely out of personal experience and conversations with friends and peers, I get the feeling that more and more young people believe that marriage is overrated. I am personally ambivalent right now about this. Optimistic in some respects and pessimistic in others. Well, I think I shall restrict my comments to what I do know about Indian couples (both settled abroad and in India), but if the reader is creative enough, he/she can extrapolate it to a different culture.

Case 1: Two people fall in 'love'. Among my circle, these are the yuppies or the to be yuppies, pursuing post graduate degrees or in the beginning of their promising careers. Oftentimes, atleast one of the person or both are falling in 'love' for the first time. I shall categorically throw out college/precollege time relationships and short term affairs out of the window I am setting for 'love' here at my discretion, although the protagonists may have completely believed that they were truly in 'love', when that lasted. In cases like these, a lot of these couples toy with the idea of marriage and a life together, sooner or later, when they are in this relationship. They are both, optimistic about their futures, and are eager to embark on their adulthood. They try to make preparations getting ready for their career, to earn moolah, to pursue their goals and dreams, to fall in love, to get married, to have kids and live happily ever after. All is good for a while.
Then something happens. They realize there are certain incompatibilities that were previously ignored, due to the euphoric and blinding 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship. This usually creeps in on them at a weak moment, or rather when there opens up a small window of distaste due to one or both people experiencing a loss of euphoria, be it temporary or long-standing. But the damage is done. The guy did not bother calling when he was busy getting drunk with friends. Perhaps there was a hot new girl around who distracted him. He still loves his girlfriend, but he didn't call her. Maybe the guy realized there was one issue that they both were never going to agree upon. Its one of his passions. She doesn't share it. How can he live his life with someone like that ? The question creeps in. I mean, a thousand things can go wrong. You get the drift. Some things are still good. He's sweet and caring, most of the time. She's cute, loving and supportive, some of the time. But pms and work stress do their small damages every now and then.
And then one day, they fall out of love. And if one does, the other soon will. I believe that. Atleast between a man and a woman, you can't go on loving the person, if there is no reciprocation. Yeah, that shit about I will love you forever, till the end of time works only in movies and pansy-ass songs. These songs are usually used to get into the girls pants in the first place. C'mon, they were written by rock stars, ultimate 'playahs' and utter failures in relationships. An exception I can think of is Ozzy, still happily(?) married to Sharon, but Ozzy never wrote love songs, atleast nothing noteworthy. Ok, atleast ones without a twist.

Ok so what now ? Love has disappeared. Or the feeling that is a close approximation to it, has dwindled. But still, there is comfort. There is familiarity. There is pressure from many directions, to decide one way or the other. To decide if they wish to stick it out, or graze in greener pastures. There are things they realize they cannot change and will have to come to terms with if they decide to stick it out. If they seek greener pastures, they know a little more about how to prune their search. They know a little more about what will and what will not work. But that of course, does not rule out what new demons will show up. A certain level of cautious optimism must be excercised to not repeat the mistakes of the past. Ok, I'm talking about smart people here, not self-destructive idiots. Atleast, some of my peers, fall in this category.

Two things can happen. They break up and go separate ways, or stick it out and try to make it work. Personally, I find it hard to believe such broken cups can be filled with the elixir of love again. It drains away. Yeah, but it depends, on many things, what brought them together in the first place, and what took them apart. But going by the average case, I've noticed that in many cases they got together for lesser reasons than the reasons that drove them apart. Although Cupid stuck an arrow to your bum, he flew up in front and gave you a wink and a smile and then flitted away to shoot someone else's butt. But the dark angel of separation creeps in on you and sits on your shoulder, and whispers in your ear, every once in a while. And he rarely leaves. More often than not, this dark feller, is just wisdom. Inevitable, since we all grow up.

Ok, so maybe they break up. What happens then? Oh boy, rebounds only work in basketball. Some are so devastated by the loss of this huge space in their life, this vacuum, that any surrounding air will quickly fill in. Be it a breath of fresh rejuvenating air or not. Some quickly realize and get out of it. Some are too terrified of being alone. They stick it out. Risk of repeated lousy performance exists.


---- Eh.. I had started this long time ago and coming back to it now, I have lost chain of thought. Technically, I should delete it. But since I typed so much, might as well slip it in, unnoticed.--